[He rolls his eyes.] Okay, so maybe it was about four years ago. My best friend and I had been in a rowboat out at sea for hours and we ended up on an island at this resort. The lady who was there brought us inside and we needed to have a few makeovers done. She went one way and I stayed behind. And...the lady told me that if I wanted to be a better, happier version of myself she had the perfect plan with the right diet, exercise, and replacing meals with a milkshake.

You can probably guess where this is going.