[ dave takes zero offense, having casually called himself an asshole to start with. ]

Usually the trees calm the fuck down if you leave the woods. They're not, like...friendly. In fact they're kind of the old man at the corner of the block whose sole purpose in life is to sit at his window waiting for someone to put a single toe on his lawn so he can scream his heart out. Even if the trespasser just tripped or was shoved. He cares nothing for the circumstances because he's there to get mad and nothing else.